This is torturous...
Waiting for that first scan.
It is really there? Is it OK? Has all this effort been worth it?
The diabetes has been OK. OK but not perfect.
At least this time I am more educated. I now know how to count carbs. I now limit my carbs. I have well tested correction doses that work and I know that if I hypo I must eat 15g of carbs exactly and no more. This is instead of taking 'rage' boluses that send me crashing, initiating a roller coaster of lows and then highs when I end up eating the whole fridge in a panic (and then rage bolus again).
It's not been perfect but I'm handling it. I feel calm.
I know my HbA1c (a test that tells me my average blood sugar over the past 3 months) will be much improved, and well into the target zone. I'm taking my massive dose of folic acid, along with my other pregnancy vitamins and omega oils. I've had that niggling infected tooth removed (there was no saving it and it was just a ticking time bomb waiting to f*ck up my blood sugars if it abscessed). So, I'm doing everything I can.
I just want to SEE it, this baby, to see that it's real and that it's tiny heart is beating strongly. My first scan is at 8 weeks.
It seems an age away right now. Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock